Topamax and triggers

One of the things I still struggle with is remembering my own triggers and accepting them as real. I know that might sound crazy, but I have always hated that my triggers are what they are, because they force me into a lifestyle I am not always so keen on. One that takes away a certain amount of freedom and imposes rules and regulations on me.

Two of my biggest triggers are lack of sleep and not eating often enough. This second one has become a major lifestyle change for me as of late for two reasons. One, I just flat out had to accept that this was in fact triggering my headaches and stop and eat more often feeling like an inconvenience to others, and two, being on topamax is lowering my desire to eat at all. I now try and have snacks readily available at work and at home and force myself into eating. Which is not a very pleasant situation thus far.

Last night I did not sleep much at all, too hot, too much tension in my personal life, and this morning my appetite was not worth much and now I feel the pain creeping into the back of my head, doing the dance it does as it slowly arches over the right side of my head, threatening, pulsing, teasing, causing me to contemplate my options, stay at work, go home, imitrex, nothing, more food, how should I treat this one? Each one always feels like a game of Russian roulette.

But in all of this, I feel so very grateful to have the Topamax, it is improving my quality of life. I feel it has knocked out my lower level headaches. For the first time in a long time I have been able to say I have had more good days then bad.

There are side effects, and losing my appetite is going to be hard to work around, especially as I move forward in upping my dose to try and knock out some of my higher level headaches, but I will blend all my food and drink it through a straw if need be. My hands and feet tingle something awful. I notice it more after applying pressure to them. Petting my cats has become a strange experience, one I still enjoy, but find very odd. Its as if my body is waking up over and over and over again throughout the day. Strangely, I do not get the sedation from Topamax, only when I first up my doses, but then I find I am more energetic on the whole.

Wishing anyone who reads this a pain free day